The Mirage of Indian Secularism

Our beloved CM, Dr. Himanta Biswa Sarma is 100% right!

When Niccolò Machiavelli warned that “people are more often moved by the appearance of things than by their reality,” he could have been describing modern India’s constitutional self-portrait. The Preamble that now proclaims the Republic “secular” carries a reassuring gloss, yet the lived history of the state betrays a different hue. Words alone cannot transmute a civilization’s deepest instincts, and the word “secular”—stitched hurriedly into the Constitution during the Emergency of 1976—has never truly described the republic it adorns.

Defining Secularism

In its classical sense, secularism demands two rigors: first, that the state refuse to privilege any faith; second, that religion remain a private affair, quarantined from public policy. In France this ideal is laïcité; in the United States it is the wall of separation. By either yardstick, a state that collects temple revenue, subsidizes pilgrimages, and legislates different family laws for different faiths cannot claim the title. India, therefore, has been plural—teeming with faiths—but never secular in the truest sense.

Secularism in Text, Partiality in Practice

The 42nd Amendment—passed in the dark night of the Emergency—inserted “secular” and “socialist” into a Preamble that the framers had deliberately left unburdened by ideological labels. But the amendment did not dismantle a single structure of religious preference. Muslim personal law still stands apart from the Hindu Code; churches and madrassas may manage their institutions free of state interference, while major Hindu temples remain under bureaucratic control. Even the long-running Haj subsidy, sustained for decades at taxpayer expense and struck down only in 2018, showed a state willing to underwrite one community’s devotional journey while taxing all others.

Judges themselves have lamented the inconsistency. In Sarla Mudgal v. Union of India (1995), the Supreme Court decried the absence of a Uniform Civil Code, observing that a patchwork of faith-based laws conflicts with the equality the Constitution promises. Such anomalies are not aberrations; they are evidence that the Indian state has never embraced secular neutrality.

Pluralism, the Indian Genius

What India does embody—radiantly—is pluralism: the ancient ideal of Sarva-dharma-sambhāva, equal regard for every path to the divine. Here, many faiths thrive because a broad Hindu civilizational ethos has traditionally offered space, not because the state stands aloof. To conflate this civilizational hospitality with secularism is to mistake a banyan tree for the open sky that shelters it.

Toward an Honest Settlement: Declaring a Hindu Rashtra

Honesty, like justice, begins with naming things correctly. If India’s public institutions, cultural symbols, and legal compromises already presume a Hindu civilizational framework, then let the Constitution say so plainly. A Hindu Rashtra need not—indeed must not—diminish the equal civil and political rights of any citizen; rather, it would acknowledge the civilization from which those pluralist instincts spring. By removing the ill-fitting label of “secular,” Parliament would align text with truth, dissolve the cognitive dissonance that fuels communal grievance, and invite minorities to engage the majority culture without the pretense of a neutrality that does not exist.

Call to Action

The time has come for constitutional candour. Parliament should move a comprehensive amendment that (i) excises the Emergency-era appendage “secular,” (ii) enacts a Uniform Civil Code to guarantee identical civic rights and duties for all Indians, and (iii) affirms India as a Hindu Rashtra founded on the principle of Sarva-dharma-sambhāva. Such an act would replace the comfort of an illusion with the sturdier peace of truth, allowing every community—majority or minority—to negotiate its future honestly within the republic’s real cultural home.

A Rebuke to Plutocratic Paternalism: On the Fundamental Misunderstanding of Democracy

Bill Ackman is misguided….

Bill Ackman’s lengthy Twitter manifesto reveals not concern for democracy, but its precise antithesis—a plutocratic impulse that would make John Locke recoil in horror. His proposal to handpick and finance a mayoral candidate represents everything the Enlightenment philosophers warned against when they conceived of democratic governance based on popular consent rather than elite manipulation.

The Lockean Foundation: Consent of the Governed

John Locke’s Second Treatise of Government established that legitimate political authority derives solely from the consent of the governed. When Ackman declares he will “take care of the fundraising” for his preferred candidate, he fundamentally rejects this cornerstone of democratic theory. He proposes not democracy, but what Locke would recognize as a form of tyranny—rule by wealth rather than popular will.

Bill Ackman (Photo Credit: Wikipedia)

Locke argued that when government ceases to represent the people’s consent, it loses all legitimacy. Ackman’s scheme to bypass the democratic process through massive financial intervention represents precisely this illegitimate exercise of power. His complaint isn’t that democracy failed—it’s that democracy succeeded in ways he finds inconvenient.

The Rousseauian Critique: The General Will vs. Particular Interests

Jean-Jacques Rousseau distinguished between the “general will” of the people and the “particular will” of individuals pursuing their own interests. Ackman’s manifesto is a textbook example of particular will masquerading as public concern. His repeated references to wealthy taxpayers fleeing the city reveal his true constituency—not the citizens of New York, but the financial elite whose interests he represents.

Rousseau warned that when particular interests corrupt the general will, democracy dies. Ackman’s proposal to flood the election with “hundreds of millions of dollars” represents exactly this corruption—the substitution of plutocratic preference for democratic choice.

The Tocquevillian Warning: Tyranny of Wealth

Alexis de Tocqueville, observing American democracy, warned of the potential for a new form of aristocracy based on industrial wealth. Ackman embodies Tocqueville’s nightmare—a financial aristocrat who views democracy as a problem to be solved through superior resources rather than a process to be respected.

Tocqueville wrote: “I am trying to imagine under what novel features despotism may appear in the world.” Ackman provides the answer: despotism draped in the language of civic concern, wielding financial power to override electoral results.

The Moral Double Standard: Democracy When Convenient

Ackman’s selective embrace of democratic outcomes exposes his fundamental hypocrisy. He expressed no concern when American voters elected a convicted felon to the presidency—an outcome that served his political preferences. But when New York Democrats choose a progressive candidate through legitimate democratic process, suddenly democracy requires correction by billionaire intervention.

This represents what philosophers call “motivated reasoning”—the selective application of principles based on desired outcomes rather than consistent democratic values. If Ackman truly believed in democratic legitimacy, he would respect all electoral outcomes, not just those that align with his economic interests.

The Sexist Subtext: “Handsome” Candidates and Democratic Exclusion

Ackman’s repeated emphasis on finding a “handsome, charming” candidate reveals an unconscious but telling bias. The language itself excludes women from consideration—women cannot be “handsome” in his framework. This linguistic slip exposes a broader paternalistic mindset that views politics as the domain of aesthetically pleasing men who can be groomed for public consumption.

John Stuart Mill’s The Subjection of Women anticipated this exact prejudice—the notion that political leadership requires masculine qualities defined by male aesthetics. Ackman’s candidate criteria perpetuate the exclusionary politics that democratic theory explicitly rejects.

The Substantive Policy Failures: Economics vs. Ideology

Ackman’s policy critiques reveal economic illiteracy masquerading as expertise. His claim that rent stabilization reduces housing supply ignores decades of research showing that moderate rent regulations can actually increase housing stability and neighborhood investment. Cities like Vienna have demonstrated that public housing initiatives can successfully provide affordable options without destroying private markets.

His characterization of city-owned markets as “socialist disaster” ignores successful examples worldwide, from Singapore’s public food courts to European municipal utilities. The false binary between capitalism and socialism that underlies his argument would be rejected by any serious economist as ideologically blinkered rather than analytically sound.

The Demographic Reality: Jewish Support for Mamdani

Ackman’s implicit appeal to ethnic solidarity falls flat given that many Jewish New Yorkers supported Mamdani’s candidacy. This support reflects not ethnic betrayal but democratic maturity—the recognition that policy positions matter more than religious or ethnic identity in electoral choices.

Moreover, Mamdani’s interfaith heritage—son of a Muslim father and Hindu mother—represents the pluralistic ideal that American democracy promises. Ackman’s discomfort with this diversity reveals the exclusionary impulses that democratic inclusion seeks to overcome.

The Philosophical Challenge: Run Yourself

If Ackman truly believes his vision represents the people’s will, democratic theory provides a clear remedy: run for office himself. Let him submit his policies to electoral scrutiny rather than attempting to circumvent democracy through financial manipulation.

The fact that he prefers to operate through proxies reveals his fundamental lack of faith in democratic persuasion. He knows his positions cannot win democratic contests, so he seeks to purchase outcomes through superior resources.

Conclusion: Democracy’s Test

Ackman’s manifesto presents democracy with a familiar test—will popular sovereignty succumb to plutocratic manipulation, or will democratic institutions prove resilient enough to resist wealth-based tyranny?

John Locke provided the answer three centuries ago: governments derive their legitimacy from popular consent, not elite approval. When billionaires attempt to override electoral outcomes through financial pressure, they reveal their fundamental antipathy to democratic governance.

New York’s voters have spoken. Their choice deserves respect, not billionaire correction. Democracy means trusting the people to govern themselves—even when their choices displease the wealthy. Anything else isn’t democracy at all, but its sophisticated negation.

The true test of democratic commitment isn’t supporting popular decisions that align with your interests—it’s respecting democratic outcomes that challenge them. By this measure, Ackman fails democracy entirely, revealing himself not as its defender but as its opponent, cloaked in the language of civic concern but motivated by the oldest anti-democratic impulse: the belief that wealth should rule over will.

“The people cannot be all, and always, well informed,” Jefferson wrote, “but they are the only safe depositories of political power.” Ackman’s manifesto proves Jefferson’s wisdom—when elites lose faith in popular judgment, democracy itself becomes their target.

The Great Kiss Katastrophe of Kotakola

In the mystical city of Kotakola, where trams ran on tea leaves and morality was measured in millimeters, the Great Kiss Katastrophe of 2024 began with two lips mysteriously meeting at the Kalighata Metro Station. The city’s moral fabric, carefully woven from centuries of raised eyebrows and tutting tongues, unraveled faster than a grandmother’s sweater in a ceiling fan.

The Defenders of Decency, led by the illustrious Mammoth Shankar, immediately convened an emergency meeting of the Committee for the Prevention of Public Displays of Almost Anything (CPPDA). “In France, they kiss on streets,” she declared, clutching her pearls so tightly they threatened to turn into diamonds. “But this is Kotakola, where we prefer our love like our tea – watered down and served with appropriate social distance!”

The CPPDA headquarters, located in a building shaped much like a disapproving aunt, buzzed with activity. Subcommittees were formed with impressive speed: the Bureau of Acceptable Hand-Holding Distances, the Department of Proper Public Posture, and the elite task force known as GASP (Guardians Against Spontaneous Passion).

Meanwhile, the Anti-Romeo Squad, fresh from issuing their 1.26 billionth warning slip (printed on recycled moral fiber), patrolled the parks with special “PDA-detecting” binoculars that mysteriously stopped working whenever actual harassment occurred. Their motto: “We see all evil, except when we don’t want to.” They had recently upgraded their equipment to include “Morality Radars” – devices that beeped whenever two people stood closer than the officially mandated distance of three coconuts and a banana leaf.

Young Kotakolans, however, had different ideas. Ali from Tangra pointed out that the city’s moral guardians seemed more disturbed by two people kissing than by the local tradition of competitive public spitting, which had recently been declared an Olympic sport. “We have people treating the streets like their personal spittoon,” he observed, “but heaven forbid someone shows affection!”

Nabaneeta from Tollygunge started a movement called “Kisses Against Chaos,” arguing that perhaps if the moral police spent less time monitoring metro stations for affection, they might notice the actual crimes happening under their professionally averted gaze. Her group began organizing “Standing Still While Looking Happy” protests, which thoroughly confused the authorities who couldn’t decide if looking content in public was against the rules or not.

The situation took an interesting turn when Srotaswini, a local advertising professional, launched a campaign titled “Save Our Statues.” The city’s ancient statues, tired of being the only ones allowed to display bare skin in public, reportedly began covering themselves with saris and sending strongly worded letters to the municipal corporation about “these modern couples making us uncomfortable.” The 500-year-old sculptures at the museum were particularly vocal, though some suspected this had more to do with their recent renovation with WiFi capabilities than actual moral outrage.

The crisis deepened when the CPPDA proposed the “Public Propriety Protection Act,” which would require all couples in public to maintain a distance measurable by at least one medium-sized autorickshaw. Street vendors quickly capitalized on this by selling “Officially Approved Romance Rulers” and “Morality Measuring Tapes,” complete with built-in alarms that played old-fashioned film songs whenever violations occurred.

But then something magical happened. The police, in an unprecedented display of common sense that shocked the entire subcontinent, suggested that perhaps everyone should simply “grow up.” The suggestion was so revolutionary that several members of the CPPDA fainted, only to be revived by the sight of a couple holding hands – which, naturally, gave them something new to protest about.

The local newspapers had a field day. The Kotakola Chronicle ran headlines ranging from “Kiss and Tell: City’s Moral Framework Crumbles” to “Love in the Time of Moral Cholera.” Opinion pieces debated whether the city’s reputation as the “Kultural Kapital” would have to be changed to “Kissing Kapital,” causing several retired professors to write lengthy letters to the editor about the declining standards of alliteration in modern journalism.

Priyasha, a savvy student from La Martiniere, observed that the city seemed to have more pressing issues, like the fact that their roads had more potholes than a moon crater, or that the local pigeons had formed a union and were demanding better statues to sit on. But such logical observations were quickly drowned out by the sound of moral guardians clearing their throats disapprovingly.

In the end, the young couple from the metro station went on to live their lives, blissfully unaware that their kiss had caused more discussion than the city’s annual budget. Some say they can still be seen occasionally, riding the metro into the sunset, while the moral guardians of Kotakola remain vigilant, binoculars trained on the horizon, waiting for the next great threat to society – perhaps someone wearing shorts in winter, or worse yet, smiling without a permit.

The city’s youth began calling themselves “The Generation of Gentle Rebellion,” fighting moral policing not with anger but with innocent acts of joy that left the authorities thoroughly confused. Flash mobs of people reading books in parks, couples having philosophical discussions over tea, and friends laughing too loudly in public – all acts that somehow seemed subversive in their simple celebration of life.

As for the mystical city of Kotakola, it continues to balance precariously between tradition and progression, like a tightrope walker on a string of prayer beads. The metro stations now have special “Moral Panic Buttons” installed every few meters, though they’re mostly used by tired commuters as armrests. The Anti-Romeo Squad gradually found themselves being invited to weddings by the very couples they had once warned, leading to some very awkward gift-giving situations.

The great Kiss Katastrophe of 2024 became just another chapter in the city’s rich history of moral panics, filed away somewhere between “The Great Ankle-Showing Scandal of 1923” and “The Infamous Ice Cream Cone Incident of 1985” (don’t ask).

Moral of the story: In a world obsessed with policing love, the real obscenity might just be the waste of time spent preventing people from showing it. And perhaps, just perhaps, the true measure of a society’s culture isn’t in how well it prevents public displays of affection, but in how gracefully it learns to mind its own business.

P.S. The statues eventually gave up their protest and went back to their usual business of providing homes for pigeons, though some say they now wear knowing smiles, especially during the evening rush hour.

The Power of Language

Challenging English as the “Language of Power” in Global Discourse

In the wake of recent controversies surrounding Indian cricket player Ravindra Jadeja’s choice to speak Hindi during an Australian press conference, and broader discussions about Prime Minister Modi’s use of English in international forums, we find ourselves at a critical juncture in the discourse about linguistic imperialism and cultural sovereignty. These incidents illuminate a deeper question: Why do we continue to privilege English in international discourse, and at what cost to cultural authenticity and national dignity?

The Persistence of Colonial Shadows

The expectation that global leaders and public figures should communicate in English represents one of colonialism’s most enduring legacies. This linguistic hierarchy didn’t emerge naturally through mutual cultural exchange but through centuries of imperial domination and systematic cultural suppression. When we examine the frustration of Australian journalists over Jadeja’s Hindi responses, we’re witnessing not just a communication barrier, but the entitled expectation that others should adapt to Anglophone convenience.

The Chinese Model of Linguistic Sovereignty

China’s approach to international communication offers a compelling counterpoint to India’s linguistic accommodation. Chinese leaders consistently address international audiences in Mandarin, regardless of their English proficiency. This isn’t merely about language preference—it’s a powerful statement of cultural confidence and national identity. When President Xi Jinping addresses the United Nations in Mandarin, he communicates not just words but China’s vision of itself as a civilization-state that engages with the world on its own terms.

The Cost of Linguistic Compromise

When Prime Minister Modi addresses the U.S. Congress in English rather than Hindi, he participates in what linguist Robert Phillipson terms “linguistic imperialism.” While the intent might be a diplomatic courtesy, the effect perpetuates the notion that English is the language of power, progress, and legitimacy. This creates a troubling paradigm where Indian leaders must perform linguistic gymnastics to be taken seriously on the global stage, while Western leaders rarely face pressure to reciprocate in other languages.

Jadeja’s Quiet Revolution

In this context, Ravindra Jadeja’s decision to speak Hindi takes on greater significance. It’s not merely about comfort or preference—it’s an assertion of linguistic rights and cultural dignity. The subsequent controversy reveals how deeply entrenched linguistic hierarchies remain in international discourse. The Australian media’s reaction reflects not just frustration over practical communication challenges, but discomfort with any challenge to English’s privileged position. Thankfully, Jadeja freely borrowed English words and phrases that best allowed him to express his opinions. As was his right to do as he pleased!

The Path Forward: Linguistic Multipolarity

The solution isn’t to reject English entirely but to challenge its hegemonic status in international discourse. We should envision a world where:

  1. International forums provide robust translation services as a standard practice, not an accommodation;
  2. Leaders routinely address global audiences in their native languages without apology;
  3. Media organizations develop the cultural competence to handle multilingual communication; and
  4. Cultural authenticity is valued over linguistic conformity

Beyond Translation: Cultural Sovereignty

Language is never just about communication—it’s about power, identity, and the right to exist in the world on one’s own terms. When Modi speaks English at the U.S. Congress, he gains immediate comprehension but potentially sacrifices something more valuable: the opportunity to demonstrate that Indian leadership needs no linguistic validation from the West.

Conclusion: The Courage to Speak One’s Truth

The path to genuine global dialogue doesn’t lie in everyone speaking English, but in creating spaces where multiple languages can coexist with equal dignity. Until Indian leaders feel as comfortable addressing international audiences in Hindi as Chinese leaders do in Mandarin, we haven’t truly decolonized our minds or our tongues.

As we move forward, we must remember that language choice in international forums isn’t merely about practicality—it’s about power, dignity, and the right to be heard in one’s own voice. The next time an Indian cricket player chooses to speak in Hindi, or any public figure opts for their native tongue, we should recognize it not as a barrier to communication, but as a step toward a more authentic and equitable global discourse.

The true test of international respect isn’t in how well others speak our language, but in how well we’ve created systems that honor and accommodate all voices, in all their native eloquence.

The Department of Inverted Justice

“Department of Inverted Justice: Where Yesterday’s Crime is Tomorrow’s Mandate!”

Please note: This reality has been approved by those who disapprove of reality.

The morning Kay awoke, he found that his calendar had reversed itself.

Yesterday was tomorrow, and tomorrow insisted it had already happened. On the television screen, which now displayed images in mirror writing, a man with artificially golden hair was simultaneously being convicted and serenaded

“This is perfectly normal,” said the Attorney from the Department of Inverted Justice, who had materialized in Kay’s kitchen without using the door. He was feeding pages of the Constitution into a paper shredder while wearing a blindfold embroidered with the words “JUSTICE IS BLIND™.”

“But how can someone be both criminal and king?” Kay asked, watching as his coffee cup filled itself from top to bottom.

The Attorney laughed, a sound like crumpling ballot papers. “You still believe in contradictions? How charmingly twentieth century of you. We’ve evolved way beyond such primitive concepts as logical consistency. Here, let me show you our new moral compass.” He pulled out a compass whose needle spun wildly in all directions at once. This is the new Merica. Welcome!!

“The beauty of our new system,” the Attorney continued, straightening his tie (which was actually a strip of yellow crime scene tape), “is that we’ve finally freed ourselves from the tyranny of consequences. Actions no longer need reasons, and reasons no longer need truth. It’s highly efficient. Highly!”

Through his window, Kay watched as crowds marched down the street carrying signs that read “GUILTY IS THE NEW INNOCENT” and “MAKE PARADOX GREAT AGAIN.” Some wore masks of Lady Justice, but they had modified them so she was winking instead of blindfolded.

“But what about….” Kay began.

“Ah,” interrupted the Attorney, holding up a finger. “You’re about to make the mistake of asking about ethical considerations. We’ve privatized those. Morality is now traded on the stock exchange. Very profitable quarter for cognitive dissonance futures. You should consider getting in on the gravy train. Gravy.”

Kay felt a heaviness in his pocket and pulled out a small brass scale. One side was labeled “Democracy” and the other “Autocracy,” but both sides pointed upward, defying gravity.

“Perfect balance,” the Attorney nodded approvingly. “You’re getting the hang of it. Remember, in the Department of Inverted Justice, up is down, wrong is right, and power makes truth. It’s all very simple once you stop thinking about it. Thinking!”

As Kay stared at his reflection in his morning coffee, he noticed his face had been replaced by a ballot box that was simultaneously full and empty. The Attorney had disappeared, leaving behind only a business card that read:

Attorney Master Bates
Department of Inverted Justice:
Where Yesterday’s Crime is Tomorrow’s Mandate.”

The People’s Family: A Tale of Pappu Democracy

At a packed press conference in New Delhi, the entire Popolare family beamed with pride as they occupied their usual four seats in Parliament. “Democracy is in our DNA,” declared patriarch Pappu Popolare, adjusting his ₹20 lakh Nehru jacket. “It’s purely coincidental that my sister Pripanka represents South constituency, while I represent North.”

“And it’s totally democratic that I represent West,” chimed in their mother, Sonear, checking her Swiss watch. “The people chose me over other candidates who just happened to withdraw their nominations the day before elections.” Their adopted brother Giovanna, MP from somewhere East of Delhi, nodded sagely while typing on his fourth iPhone of the month. “Merit alone got us here. The fact that our family controls the party is completely irrelevant.”

“We’re proud that our family dinner table is now a mini-Parliament,” Pripanka announced, her diamond-studded democracy pendant glinting. “Though of course, we only discuss the weather and Roberta, never politics.” The family then unveiled their new foundation: “People’s Voice Against Dynasty Politics”, headquartered in their 50-acre ancestral democratic farmhouse. When asked about the statistical improbability of four family members becoming MPs, Pappu smiled benevolently: “Numbers are so anti-national. They never tell the truth. They simply don’t add up. All of India are my brothers and sisters. Our success is purely due to the mysterious ways in which democracy works.”

Statistics and Probability be damned!!

Now, talking about probabilities, let’s take a look:

Basic Numbers:

  • Total MP seats: 543 (Lok Sabha)
  • Indian population: Approximately 1.4 billion
  • Eligible voting population: ~950 million

Base mathematical probability of being elected an MP:

  • Raw probability = Number of seats / Eligible population
  • 543 / 950,000,000 = 0.00000057 or about 0.000057%

Initial Parameters:

  • Base probability of becoming an MP = 0.000057% (0.00000057)

Family Dynamics Enhancement Factors:

  • Political spouse advantage: 15x
  • Political children advantage: 20x

Sequential Probability Calculation:

  1. First Family Member:
    • Raw probability: 0.00000057 (0.000057%)
  2. Second Family Member (Spouse)
    • Enhanced probability: 0.00000057 × 15 = 0.00000855 (0.000855%)
  3. First Child
    • Enhanced probability: 0.00000057 × 20 = 0.0000114 (0.00114%)
  4. Second Child
    • Enhanced probability: 0.00000057 × 20 = 0.0000114 (0.00114%)

Compound Probability Calculation:

Total Probability = p(First Member) × p(Second Member) × p(First Child) × p(Second Child)

= 0.00000057 × 0.00000855 × 0.0000114 × 0.0000114

= 6.35 × 10^(-16) = 0.0000000000000635% = approximately 1 in 1.6 quadrillion.

To put this astronomical number in perspective:

  1. The universe is estimated to be about 13.8 billion years old, or about 435 quadrillion seconds. So, this probability is like picking a specific second from about 3.7 universes’ worth of time!
  2. Comparing it to the current world population (8 billion):
    • If every person on Earth tried this scenario
    • They would need to try about 200,000 times each
    • To expect to see it happen just once!
  3. To compare with something more tangible:
    • If you had 1.6 quadrillion grains of rice
    • And spread them across India’s total surface area
    • The layer would be several meters thick!